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Call it the Swiss army knife of sex toys. In fact, it has a Swiss army knife function, which includes a handy corkscrew. Now I will admit putting the chainsaw function button next to the vibrate button wasn't the smartest idea Santa ever came up with, but come on, what's so dangerous about vibrating a tree down? And yes, it does fire bullets but who's going to be dumb enough to use it while it's loaded? And yes, there is a rocket attachment that's capable of shooting down planes, satellites, asteroids and possibly the moon, but come on, who's going to do that? We even put a warning label on the box, 'For legal reasons, please do not take out the moon'. Doesn't that cover all the bases?" So Santa's been fighting that in court in addition to trying to get ready for this most recent Christmas, which in itself turned into an adventure. Santa barely finished delivering all the Christmas presents because I was almost arrested for, believe it or not, attempted sexual assault. Just to be. And Alistair – because I know you’ll be reading this – I have told you before, and I will tell you again now, your parents loved you more than you can imagine. They only wanted the best for you, and letting you go was the hardest thing either of them ever did. Their decisions may have been mistakes, but they were honest ones, made with your best interests at heart.Alistair, Sierra ... You were the children I never had, and I am so proud of both of you. Aedan, you were the best recruit I could have hoped for. I hope that you all think of me fondly – but not too often, and without regret. It was my honour to know you, to guide you, and I know I left the Wardens in the best possible hands with you.Maker Watch Over You, DuncanI sniffled a little and put the letter aside, vowing to show it to Alistair and read it to Aedan later. There was a confusing mix of emotion swirling around in my gut – guilt, that I’d been the reason Duncan had died in the end, and because I’d allowed his loss to.
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